Little Summer

Did you hear that the trademark people in Washington are in a quandary over an application from an electrified-dildo manufacturer to register the term Good Vibes.

AN AMERICAN, A FRENCHMAN, AND A POLOCK WERE RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS IN SEARCH OF A PLACE TO HIDE FROM A FIRING SQUAD IN HOT PURSUIT. AS THEY WERE MOVING THROUGH THE FOREST THEY HEARD SOUNDS OF THE APPROACHING SEARCH PARTY AND THE DECIDED TO TAKE TO THE TREES TO HIDE. THE AMERICAN CLIMBED UP A TREE AND THE FRENCHMAN AND THE POLOCK KEPT ON GOING. A LITTLE FARTHER DOWN THE ROAD THE FRENCHMAN CLIMBED UP A TREE AND THE POLOCK WENT ON. A LITTLE FARTHER DOWN THE ROAD THE POLOCK CLIMBED UP A TREE. AS THE SEARCH PARTY WALKED UNDER THE AMERICAN’S TREE, A BRANCH SNAPPED AND FELL TO THE GROUND. IN DESPERATION, THE AMERICAN STARTED WHISTLING LIKE A BIRD. THE SEARCH PARTY DECIDED THAT IT WAS JUST THAT, A BIRD, SO THEY WENT ON. AS THE PARTY MOVED UNDER THE TREE WHERE THE FRENCHMAN WAS HIDING THE FRENCHMAN ALSO ACCIDENTALLY MADE A TELLTALE NOISE. AS THE SEARCH PARTY LOOKED AROUND THEY FRENCHMAN WENT “WHOOO…WHOOO…”. THE SEARCH PARTY BELIEVED IT TO BE AN OWL, AND AGAIN MOVED ON. AS THE PARTY APPROACHED THE POLOCK’S TREE THEY SUDDENLY HEARD A STRANGE LOUD NOISE EMANATING FROM THE BRANCHES “MOO…MOO…”

= An interoffice softball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly. To show just *how* the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game: “The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 1996 Softball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game.” The hospital patient, annoyed by the lack of attention he received after returning to his hospital room from the intensive-care unit, exclaimed, “I’ve gone from I.C.U. to ‘no see you’!”

Alison Angel

After a few years of being married, the wife surprised her husband with a new car, a pinky ring and other wonderful gifts to celebrate their anniversary. When the wife asked what he bought, he replied, a new sable coat, a vacation and a big surprise. He opened his robe and showed her that he had tattooed the words “I Love You” on his penis. To which the wife replied, “I don’t care what you say, but don’t try putting words in my mouth.”

Did you hear about the poor fellow whose unfortunate pissing trajectory earned him the nickname Tinkletoes.

“Hello darling,” breathed the obscene phone caller. “If you can guess what’s in my hand, I’ll give you a piece of the action.” “Listen Dude,” drawled the lil’ Texas lady, “If y’all can hold it in one hand, I ain’t interested!”

This guy had three lovely girlfriends, and he couldn’t decide which one to marry. So he gave each of them $500 to see what they would do with the money/a>. The first one took the $500 and came back all excited and out of breath. “Honey”, she said, “I had a wonderful time with the money/a>. I went out and bought jewelry and clothes, and had a terrific time. Thank you so much.” The second one took the $500 and came back and said. “Darling, all I could think of was you and how much I love you. So here is $500 worth of presents just for you to show you how much I think of you.” The third one took the $500 and came back and said. “Well, I took the $500 and invested it and turned it into $3,000,so here is your original $500 and we will split the difference. Which one did he marry? The one with the big tits (nothing ever changes).

RAYLENE RICHARDS is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for hers left and right legs.